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Ladies and Gents,
Dr Akinyemi graciously shared this article with me, and I have his permission to pass it on .
Like other paradoxical commandments " give, and it will be given unto you, be merciful and you will receive receive mercy etc.. In marriage, death to self is key ingredient for survival of the marriage.
Pls read at your convenience.
Fred
Can't help but share this brethren, read and be blessed.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I've got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night,
we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to
find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her
a satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her
anymore... I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She
glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten
years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her
wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had
said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep
and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day
with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did
not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she
presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but
needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that
one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her
reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she
didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding
day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her
out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was
going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted
her odd request.
I
told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention
was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day,
we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding
mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the
bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters
with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell
our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her
down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove
alone to the office.
On
the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that
I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On
the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to
me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy
was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to
carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly
it hit me,.. She had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at
the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing
his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his
life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him
tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like
our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On
the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.
Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't
noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, then touched my forehead. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until deaths do us apart.
Dew seemed
to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door
and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At
the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.
The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote,
I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
The
small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in
the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So
find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for
each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Yetunde Alade
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage
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